Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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