I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
