The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She bit a glass in half.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
