it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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