so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Duck Duck Cougar?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
