you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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