you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
