Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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