none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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