So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
