vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
