we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
