Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
