I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
