wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
