I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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