imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize