I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
