"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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