The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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