I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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