remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I look better un-naked...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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