names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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