After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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