thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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