I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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