Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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