He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
