I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
