There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
