She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
