It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
