If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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