I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
