I just saw a hot homeless man
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
