After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
