My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize