No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
