hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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