fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
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All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
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My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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