his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I need to align my fucking chakras
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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