Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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