Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So apparently I’m into choking now
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