I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
