who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
