Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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