Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
