On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
