Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
