Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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