Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
