I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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