roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
