Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
