we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
