Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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