Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
