if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize