Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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