Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
