Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
