Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
